guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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