she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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