Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You can't motorboat a personality
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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