Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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