just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
