I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
