I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize