How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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