thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
