dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
