Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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