what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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