they said they heard you say put it in my butt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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