she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize