so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
