I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
