So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think a kid would responsible me up
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize