i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
