I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize