So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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