Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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