So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
