i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
