Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
