um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize