He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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