I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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