I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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