he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dicks are not precious.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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