I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
