it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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