Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
