loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
