does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Non-Jews are for practice
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
