I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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