so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
