am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
