i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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