they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
