Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
