I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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