It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
