Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
