I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
