You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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