I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
