On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
