i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
