Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
