Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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