Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
