Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
