Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
