First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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