I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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