I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
