Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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