Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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