You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
