Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
