I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he was CRYING into my vagina
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
