just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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