Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
