i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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