dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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